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Anger

Writer's picture: Christy Ann CerasoChristy Ann Ceraso

Updated: Feb 9, 2024




Anger is a physiological response to a perceived threat.


The nervous system responds to a perceived threat with fight, flight, freeze, fawn , collapse, or cry. Fight, or anger, is a response with a great deal of energy, intended for escape, self defense, or the protection of a vulnerable other whose safety we are taking responsibility for.


So, if we are angry, we need to examine our perception of threat, and our underlying fear. Is there an emotional or physical boundary that is being violated? Is there some kind of behavior from another that we are experiencing that we don't enjoy? Are we accepting or agreeing to things that we are not truly in full agreement with? Are we feeling thwarted in our freedom of expression?


If the answer is yes, the anger is literally the energy we need to take action on our own behalf, in our own best interest, or the best interest of another for whom we are taking responsibility. When we take the action, we won't need the anger any more.


If there is no current, literal danger, we can notice and honor that we are perceiving a threat, and compassionately reflect on our projection. The perception of a threat generates a feeling, a somatic sensation, and accompanying thoughts and emotions, that are based on a memory, or memories, of previous experiences of fear, danger or harm. In other words, we notice that our current circumstance is reminding us of something from the past.


In that case, we primarily need to address the feeling internally. We can reassure ourselves that we are safe now, and provide ourselves the evidence that the danger we are recalling is not happening now. We can also learn how to "meta" communicate our inner experience with those around us, so that we feel connected to others, which will facilitate our reorientation of ourselves to the present.


Often, there is a combination of a current situation, such as some type of perceived boundary violation, obstruction of our self expression, danger or harm, and, an activated memory of a previous experience of a boundary violation, obstruction of our self expression, danger, or harm. In this instance, we can respond both internally and externally. We can initiate a change of the current situation towards what we would enjoy, and establish our freedom, healthy boundaries and safety by expressing our feelings and needs, first and most importantly to ourselves. We can also take responsibility for making the choices that are congruent with and support our well being. At the same time, we can acknowledge that the amount of emotional and physical distress we are experiencing is not entirely related to the current situation, and is related in part to our re-lived memory of past experiences.


As children, our options are limited. We may not have had the option to acknowledge and honor our needs in our family of origin, or in any of our earliest relationships as children. We can recognize that as adults, we ourselves and our life circumstances have changed. We now have the power and resources to protect and express ourselves in ways that facilitate our physical and emotional safety, and to embody our authentic self expression.


So, to support ourselves to respond in an empowered way to our current external environment, we can simultaneously provide ourselves with reassurance that we are NOW able to make the necessary changes to take good care of ourselves and create well being in our present experience. We then take responsibility to take action on our own behalf and on the behalf of others for whom we have taken responsibility (children, those who are incapacitated, etc.). Self responsibility for our own experience is the essence of empowerment.


Once we identify our needs and take action, we no longer need the anger. It arose to alert us to our unmet needs, and to give us the energy required to act.


Sometimes we hang onto anger over past experiences for a long time. In this case, explore if under the anger you still feel afraid. Do you believe that maintaining a feeling of anger is a necessary form of continuous protection from an ongoing threat? If so, take the action you need to honor your needs for freedom, authentic self expression and healthy boundaries. Take responsibility for you own experience, make choices in alignment with your increased peace and joy, and move in the direction you want to go!



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© 2021 Text and photography by Christy Ann Ceraso. Websdesign by K.Artistry 

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